WE'VE BEEN BUSY.
We basically sat down with our Flavor Lab - fancy name for test kitchen team - and said, "listen, boring is not an option. Flavor is king. Get to it, you crazy foodie mix-masters. Show us what you've got." And guess what. They delivered.
Life is full of boring. Sitting at the passport office in Manhattan for an entire day because one of us lacked enough pages to travel to South Africa, nearly ruining the trip for all...yeah, that ranked on up there on The Boring Scale.
Modern day air travel - BORING.
My beloved mother and her obsession with watching endless cat videos on her iPad...yawn.
Watching other people's kids open presents Christmas morning. At first, it's adorable. After a half an hour, you want to say, "here, little one with chubby fingers and fine motor skill challenges, let me just rip that paper off for you. Then I'll open the box, remove the toy and you can play with it and we can then turn our attention to the next gift in your shameless little pile over there."
Any form of bingo, with the exclusion of Drag Queen bingo (which we love).
Laundry. Is there anything more snooze-fest worthy than folding laundry?
Waiting for water to boil.
Guided museum tours after the 3rd hour passes, and you're nodding your head like you're still totally engaged and rather fascinated, in a sophisticated manner, but really your "inside voice" wants to say, "can we just call it a day and find the closest wine bar?"
This is an unofficial guesstimate based on personal experience, but 90% of blind dates. Thank God for the makers of Red Bull and Five Hour Energy shots.
College accounting courses. I almost flat-lined, I swear it, at age nineteen, which would have DEVASTATED my parents.
Shopping at any mass retail arts & crafts chain with someone who really thinks scrap-booking is a hobby.
7am Spin class. Be delusional if you want. No matter how loud the music is, or how jazzed up the instructor is, don't you dare pretend you're not watching that clock like a hawk, counting down to when it's finally over.
Waiting for biltong to complete the air-drying process...that's not exactly riveting either. What is NOT boring is the whole process of innovating with flavors using limitless combinations of all natural seasonings, compliments of Mother Nature and her divine solution for keeping things in the kitchen interesting, across all corners of the world.
We're so excited to soon roll out three new craftsman recipes, each highlighting distinct flavors while also enhancing the natural delicious-ness of top round steak. Keep in mind we made a promise to you (and to ourselves) that we'd never craft a product that compromised on the integrity of ingredients. This includes artificial flavorings, nitrates, chemicals, unhealthy sugars and things you can't even pronounce. We also made a brand promise to behave like the artisanal biltong makers that we are, while also pushing the envelope on how much we can successfully pack a real flavor punch within each recipe.
It feels like we just had triplets. Three newborn, glorious babies, with more on the way because procreating...er, we mean innovating...is such fun. DRUM ROLL PLEASE... We are proud to announce the arrival (in two weeks, patience is a virtue, people) of Vampire Defense, our garlic obsessed little angel that features heart-healthy garlic galore. She's a feisty little tot and her favorite toy is a little wooden stake that she wields like a pro.
Then we birthed her brother, Cowboys 'N Campfires, a docile little guy who just loves kicking back with an outdoor fire and pair of baby cowboy boots. Featuring imported smoked Spanish paprika, he brings natural smoke without the flames.
Why is that? Well let's just say his sidekick, Fire in the Hole, is one naughty little bugger. We're already anticipating the therapy bills as he's destined to be a little pyromaniac, setting things ablaze wherever he goes. He's hot tempered so we've enrolled him in toddler classes like yoga and swimming, trying to cool the internal inferno he can't control. He's a gem, but let's just put it out there that he's not exactly a great match for the faint hearted.
How does our firstborn Signature Recipe biltong child feel about all of this? Come on, sibling rivalry is real and entirely normal. She's a bit horrified that we've experimented the way we have, not to mention she doesn't feel inclined to share the limelight with a bunch of hooligans. She says in South Africa, biltong has only one classic recipe and to do what we've done is just plain wrong. She'll get over it, our little original princess, for we know we're headed towards being one big, happy family and we're only getting started!
Be sure to sign up for our newsletter - we'll announce the arrival of our new little guys 'n gals mid-March and can't wait for you to meet them!
Proud Mama Lion Baroness